Sarah R. Bloom Photography

Your Heart Starts Skipping Steps

Creepy photo for my birthday! Yeah, today is my birthday. Another year gone. Older. Let us not speak of it. ;-)

This rabbit mask belongs to the supremely talented Elle Moss, who is passing it around a small group of female self-portrait artists who are in a group together on Flickr. I'm third on the list. I wasn't that excited about it at first because there are a lot of rabbit mask photos around, but I find that I don't want to give this up yet as I have more ideas! We are supposed to only keep the mask a week, though, so on it will go (I'm waiting until Monday though because I have some more shots to take Sunday, dammit). To make this photo extra creepy, I decided to opt for black and white, first of all. I then cloned out my feet to make my figure more other-worldly. I used layers of grain to help darken and bring some more depth to the image, as well as a high-pass filter to bump the contrast. I then used a texture layer of an old daguerreotype and played around with blending options until I liked how it looked, in order to make it seem more like an old print you might find in a box at a garage sale. Or something.

My husband decided to take me somewhere for my birthday Thursday to Friday after stressing over what to get me. We really needed some time to just be. I asked him to pick the where and what and to book it--to take charge. We'd established a bad pattern in our relationship where he had given over much of the control to me, and me being the control freak that I am, I gladly took it. It was causing a lot of problems, however. So he stepped up and while so much of me wanted to get in there and do everything, I kept my hands out and he couldn't have done any better. We went to the town of Jim Thorpe, Pa. and stayed in The Inn at Jim Thorpe. He booked us a mini-suite which had a big beautiful whirlpool tub. He booked us a trip on rafts down the Lehigh River. He took me out to dinner and we walked up and down the main street in the evening. We went for an English breakfast the next morning in a restored mansion. He bought me a hula hoop (for exercising) that I've wanted at a hippie shop we discovered. We went for a hike to find a waterfall (though we didn't make it to the waterfall, and we didn't care), and we came home. It was really lovely.

Thursday after our river trip when we checked into our room, I saw this hallway and thought, "I have to take a photo with the mask here." My husband wanted nothing to do with it--he has zero embarrassment threshold. That night after dinner and watching some TV, we were passing out from being in the sun all afternoon and I could so easily talk myself out of taking the photo. I almost did. Then I thought, "Stop being afraid when there is nothing to be afraid of. Who cares if you get embarrassed?"

My biggest concern was that I would terrify some poor guest walking around the corner or coming out of their room in that hallway to see me in a big pink dress and bunny mask! The Inn is supposedly haunted, so I could have really scared someone. Heh. I managed to take a whole series of shots in the hallway without anyone coming, and without seeing or feeling any ghosts myself. Phew!

"You're in it right now, aren't you?"

I'm vying for the title of Worst Blogger. I think I'm doing pretty well, don't you? :-)

I've been "in it" as Natalie Portman's character Sam says in one of my favorite movies, Garden State.

There's movement though. And plans. Always plans.

Here's some recent self-portraits in case you missed them...

Post-Apocalyptic Daydream

I’ve been struggling wondering how to write about my experiences in Detroit a couple weeks ago. There was so much that was overwhelming about the trip that no words I come up with seem to do it justice. There were layers of experience too, so in essence there are several trips about which to write.

On one level it was a wonderful visit to spend time with two lovely women I’ve come to adore through photography; to discover that we three were able to spend an entire week together with the greatest of ease and comfort; to learn more ways in which each of these women are generous, kind, beautiful people; to meet many new photographers and friends. It was an opportunity to connect with a powerhouse of a woman who shares very similar ideas about self-portraits and taking them in abandoned locations. It was a week when I could do nothing but enjoy photography and companionship with people who wanted to do the same.

It was a week for me to explore self-portraiture and immerse myself in the decaying environments that call to me so strongly; and for me to work on pushing past my hang-ups and try to say something meaningful.

Seeing all the raw decay for myself was powerful and eye opening. It felt like walking around in a strange dream state where nothing was quite real or rather, like a hyper reality. Every single street in and around Detroit is cavernous in its emptiness. There are whole blocks with only one house standing, whole neighborhoods of empty buildings. It feels like a future that is not too far off and it buzzes on the surface of the skin. It echoes in the spaces of the heart.

But above all that, it was also a time to recognize the hope and raw creative talent that is continually arising out of the ashes that is Detroit. There is a thriving art community of young(er) people who want desperately to reinvent the city, and they are working at it tirelessly. There are communities turning decay into art and empty lots into literal gardens. I waited to watch the BBC documentary Requiem for Detroit until I returned so that I wouldn’t be colored by it’s commentary and discovered that they communicate so very well my thoughts and impressions while there. I strongly encourage you to take the time to watch it (it’s just over an hour long) when you can.

It was an incredibly prolific trip for me, photographically (artistically). I took some of the best photos I’ve yet to take during my time there and I immediately began thinking about returning. I will be creating at least one if not two collections of images into book form and offer up prints for sale for the whole purpose of paying for another trip out there.

Here is an attempt at a free form poem I scrawled when I was struggling to write about my trip, following an embedded slide show of my Motor City set on Flickr. There are a large quantity of self-portraits that will not be viewable to you if you do not have a Flickr account (you can get one for free) because of the safety filters. If you have an account, you can turn off your safe search or at least get to see a fuzzy image you can click through to see the real one, otherwise you wouldn’t know you are missing anything.

 

 

post-apocalyptic daydream

my surrealist amusement park driven into ecstasy

as a thousand shutter clicks go pop

up into the atmosphere of smoke and ruin

a million wishes for better days

a million images for better ways of living

and

dying

and

getting through

these shattered illusions are now nothing

but empty streets

and

empty sleeps

no more dreams only nightmares

of what is most certainly to come

for our cities

for our homes

for our countries

and

our roads

and most especially

for our bodies

and whatever else is left

our children

take the remains

and

grow

 

 

Not Dark Yet...

Hello my lovelies. It’s me again. Yes, yes, it’s been a while. Here’s what’s on my mind, relating to my photographic art, in stream-of-consciousness order:

1. Aging
2. Aging and how to explore that in photographs without being completely cliché
3. Exploring that in self-portraiture, specifically in abandoned places
4. Teaching myself to forget posing so I look ‘good’ based on arbitrary standards
5. Marriage
6. Motherhood
7. Waiting to hear back on submissions to juried show in Virginia and Art of the State show in Harrisburg (should hear from one before the end of this week, the other before the end of April)
8. Wondering where else I should submit
9. How to make a portfolio to show galleries
10. What to put in the portfolio
11. How to show a portfolio
12. A ceramic pig and how to decorate it for a fundraiser as my first Da Vinci art alliance activity
13. Excited to go on an all day abandonment adventure with Gwyn and my daughter this week
14. Finding it hard to believe I will be in Detroit for an entire week soon (April 6-13) thanks to a ridiculously amazing deal from Southwest Air.
15. Wondering why I feel so anxious about the trip, however
16. I’m visiting Flickr friends and will have a blast seeing amazing abandonments but it is a long time to be away from home—family—I guess
17. Realizing and accepting that when my “straight” photography work gets busier, my art photography loses emphasis, and vice-versa
18. These here are some shots from my last trip to an abandoned house, earlier this month. To see self-portraits that show nudity, you need to have a Flickr account in order to click through to the photo or your search filter turned off, then you see the whole set of self-portraits in abandoned locations

 

 

This chaise/lounge thing was a nice find! Gwyn knew I'd be excited when I saw it, and she was right. I bring a cloth with me to lay on when I want to be on something particularly nasty (and this was). I'm not afraid of some dirt, but I was naked after all! There were also killer giant springs poking out of this thing, but I was actually most afraid of it collapsing under my weight.

I think I took my favorite SP so far on this lounger (but you have to go to Flickr to see it).

 

 

There were three buildings plus a stable on this property originally, but they are all in bad shape due to kids vandalizing. One building caught fire and this is me amidst the remains.

This photo below is in the 'best' property (downstairs from the chaise lounge)...

 

I played around with the Lensbaby a bit, too, and was extremely pleased by this result:

Nothing you can sing that can't be sung

Taken yesterday for To Write Love On Her Arms day.

I understand self-loathing and pain well enough. I slowly killed myself for 10 years of my life before getting help. I used drugs and alcohol instead of cutting, is all. Though I once rubbed my face raw against a carpet on a college dorm room floor because it focused my pain. I understand cutting. I understand being desperate for the emotional pain to stop.

Today, over 14 years clean & sober, I still have days where I have to fight extra hard against the voices up there in my head; voices telling me I'm not good enough, not smart enough, not...enough; voices telling me to give up, give in, lay down and stop.

This is my daughter. She is 14 and at the age where the struggle becomes harder. She is doing so very well, and I am so proud of her I could burst. She is caring for herself in ways I never did. She is brave and smart and talented and confident, and yet she struggles too.

We are not alone. You are not alone. Love yourself. Let yourself be loved. There is nothing you can't do. There is nothing stopping you but you. Stand up and stand tall. Don't give up. Don't stop fighting. Each day you stand up to those voices is a day you can help someone else do the same.

Lots of love to you. Lots of it.

Baring it All

So! Formspring.me.

Yeah, I got all excited about it, put a widget over there in the sidebar (no, other side) so you could ask me “anything.” I said I hoped to get fodder for blog posts. And I did. I did get fodder for blog posts. But I was busy that minute so I didn’t answer right away. Then I was busy again. Apparently that was four weeks ago. I’ll say it for you: I really suck sometimes.

These two questions (I have no idea who asked either) can be combined:

Q: what does your family think about your nude photos being out in the public for everybody to see?

and

Q: Does your daughter know that you post nude pictures of yourself on the Internet?

My daughter does know, and she is family, so we are left with the first question.

I am very much an open-book kind of person as well as being straightforward to the point of blunt. I don’t like playing games and don’t understand most of them. I take people at face value while trusting my instincts. This all goes along with my attitude about what I’m doing artistically. I don’t hide things (and no, I don’t mean the nudity itself, silly. I mean the fact that I am posting nudity). If I felt like it should be a secret, then I wouldn’t be doing it.

When I began taking self-portraits and then began exploring nudity in them, a process was unfolding. I was becoming more comfortable with my body. I was getting to know myself while also learning to appreciate my form. This progressed into understanding how to use myself as a model to better capture the concept/emotions I wanted to convey. Nudity has been a part of art since the dawn of civilization. While the phrase, “posting nude photos on the Internet” is weighed down with all sorts of sleazy connotations, this fact remains: the Internet is simply another medium. There has been sleaze since the dawn of civilization too, you know! 

This is the attitude I have when talking about it to and around my family—all my family. My husband was and is supportive. My mother is an artist and my biggest fan. My father loves me unconditionally and is happy when I’m happy. I know it was weird for him when I began sharing nude images of myself, but he is an art lover and he appreciates what I’m doing and is just as supportive as my mother and husband. My brother posted on Facebook and in a computer gaming forum about the Artists Wanted contest asking people to vote for me, too. That had to be weird for him to pimp his nude sister, actually. Heh. Extended family has also been extremely generous in their support and compliments.

My daughter makes fun of me, frankly, but she used to help choose (as would my husband) when I was trying to decide between two or more pictures for a self-portrait of the day. She's accompanied me a couple of times into abandoned locations and has caught the "urbex" bug for sure. She has assisted me by holding my clothes, even! I hope that I am showing her that there is no reason to be ashamed of our bodies. I think she is proud of my artistic successes and I know she likes my photography in general.

I’m very, very fortunate, and I am so grateful that I have family willing to see past any concerns they may have and instead look at my work--honestly. I am 40 years old, after all.

 

Gratitude

Feeling a lot of it lately.

I have loving, supportive parents. I have a mom to whom I can tell anything and with whom going out to lunch is a treat. My family is amazing, near and far. My daughter is the biggest gift, ever. I have incredible, generous, talented friends and so many places to get such great love and encouragement. One of my friends had me crying when he reached out to me the other morning (crying in a good way, of course).

I am grateful for those of you I met through the Internet and those I have yet to meet. I am thankful for the support you show me on a regular basis. Thank you for putting up with my neuroses (especially surrounding that contest and the continual voting...I so appreciate it).

I can get pulled down so easily. Honestly, it sometimes only takes one wrong word or one sideways look and I'm spiraling downwards. I can be so cynical in my view of the world around me and feel so hopeless and lost with it all. Occasionally, I need to take time to remember all the good in my life. Not that I forget, but sometimes it helps to make the effort to focus a little harder on these things, you know?

xo

Feels like Home

The light pouring into my friend Jennifer's living room on Saturday morning. We spent the weekend up there and as always, it felt comfortable, love-filled, and well...like home.

Many of us take having a roof over our heads for granted. Haiti was hit by another earthquake this morning while they are still reeling from last week's. So many dead. So many homeless; orphaned. People are not getting the aid they need because of logistical problems. It's a nightmare.

I don't have a lot of money, but I've given what I can. There is only a day left in that contest I'm in. If I win the 'people's choice' with enough votes (and I need like 2,500 more), I will give all of the $1,000 prize money to Direct Relief International. If you'd like to help with votes, all you do is click on the 5th star at the bottom. No need to register or anything.
 
(If by some miracle I were to win the grand prize, I will give half of it).

Slipping

Slipping, originally uploaded by sadandbeautiful (Sarah).

I'm so discombobulated, this old photo actually captures my mood quite well! I'm busy with a side job and completely and sadly obsessed with getting votes for the Artists Wanted contest (I think as a way to escape the side job, actually) (but please go click the 5th star..only 5th star) (thank you and I love you).

Reflections and Remembrances

2009, it seems, was a bad year for most people. Bad economy, bad juju, bad experiences. It was rough, but not all bad, for me. I took on the daily photo for a year challenge, and missed two (each time it was the day after returning from a very long drive). I took on a self-portrait every week for a year and completed it, keeping all 52 in color (granted, I stretched the boundaries on that quite a few times). By the way, as of this posting I still have to take my last daily photo and last self-portrait for the year (likely one and the same).

My first photo for 2009 was this one, of my friend Val and one of her sons, Malcolm:

I showed my work a few times in 2009...a two-woman show at Made by Hand Gallery in February, a slide presentation and talk at First Person Arts salon in April, a solo show at La Va Cafe from June through August, and an "Art under $100" group show at Sweet Mabel for December (and staying up through January, actually).

                

I suffered a cat bite in May that became immediately infected, but Jennifer (cat's owner) thankfully had a full course of antibiotics that took care of it. I suffered a dislocated pinky toe (was sticking out at a 90-degree angle to my foot) the last morning of our North Carolina vacation (Pete had to manipulate the toe back in).

There were too many goodbyes in 2009, both the moving away kind and the dying kind. This little one moved to Arizona in May. I babysat her regularly for 17 months.

Our sweet Pansy girl got very sick and we had to say goodbye to her in May..

 

and to poor ol' Bubba in November.

And we suffered the devastating loss of dearest friend Dr. Shelly Jacobson in July. 

 

So it was a year of ups and downs, much like any year. I did not better myself in all the ways I had hoped in 2009, so I have plenty more work to do in 2010. More exercise. Eat better. Get work into a gallery that is not also a store or coffee shop (not that there's anything wrong with that). Be nicer to those closest to me (taking a tip from Charlie...try treating my immediate family, esp. husband, even a fraction of how generously nice I am to my online friends). Be nicer to other drivers.

Keeping to my art, the new year is starting out well with work appearing in a literary journal called Disenthralled (a special issue that just went live) and one of my photos on an album cover for this awesome band Talking to Walls (how cool is that)?

I submitted my membership to the DaVinci Art Alliance for the year. I will be applying to the Art of the State again and hoping to get in. I will be trying more film. I will NOT be forcing myself to do a year in photos or a weekly self-portrait or any of those things. I want to give myself some freedom and try to develop some discipline of my own. I will be continuing to beg for your daily votes (5 stars if you love me) on my portfolio in the Artists Wanted contest.

I will be continually trying to improve myself. Thank you so much for the support and encouragement given to me throughout the year. I wish you all joy and peace in the new year and always.

xoxo