"I'm going out of my mind with a pain that stops and starts..."
I've been struggling, as seems to happen every end-of-summer-start-of-fall, even though I love the fall. It is a time of new beginnings in so many ways, but also of death I suppose. It is sad and it is beautiful…no wonder I love it.
I am scared of new beginnings (scared of change). I am tired of constantly battling myself to get anywhere. It is sadly comical that really I am the only one preventing myself from achieving any real success. I know this.
I’m tired of it (and I do realize that I might get tired of it again one day, but this is for right now).
Rather than change everything all at once (an idea that stops me cold every single time), I will attempt small changes, bit by bit.
I began exercising again, slowly but surely, today was my fourth day in a row. I figure if I start doing it the second I get downstairs before I can convince myself why I shouldn’t do it or don’t need to do it, I might just do it (so far, so good).
I’m going to go to recovery meetings again, a couple a week at least until I find regular work and then at least one a week after that.
I will do other simple things each day that are positive steps towards a better ‘me’. I will be separating my art from my commissioned work over the next several days so that I may better promote myself to families and better showcase work for each. The artist part of me will stay right here on this site (as will the blogging part of me). A new site will be up with very simple information about pricing, availability, and examples of my work.
So things might get wonky here off and on over the next few days. Don’t worry, it will all settle back down.
As will I.
