Since it is the last day of 2008 and tradition dictates I should reflect, I shall do what any card-carrying member (what? You didn’t know there were membership cards?) of the Internet would do and share it online.
This past year was good, photographically speaking. Excellent, in fact! I saw my art accepted into a juried statewide exhibition, I saw my photos published in a national magazine, I got off my but and submitted an application for the Pennsylvania Council of the Arts Fellowship (not holding my breath there, but proud of myself for trying…results at the end of January). I took the initiative to find more urban exploration on my own rather than waiting for someone to take me. I took others with me, instead.
I finished my second straight year of daily self-portraits and stopped with the intention of focusing on improving my skills elsewhere, and I think I have. I’m prouder and prouder of the photos I’m taking and sharing these days, and that feels good. I practiced wearing the “photographer” label and it is starting to feel more comfortable, but I still have a ways to go.
I set up this site and a portfolio of which I can be proud. I did more commissioned work as well as filled in for Christy as a volunteer photographer at the Philadelphia Alzheimer’s Association Memory Walk, taking team photos.
Emotionally, the year has been hard for me, but I do wonder if every year isn’t hard for me in that way. I am easily ruled by my emotions, in other words. Being married is hard sometimes in ways I wasn’t prepared for—In as many ways as it is wonderful, I suppose. Being the mother to a girl who just turned 13 is hard in ways nobody can prepare you for! I feel extremely old sometimes in body and spirit. I feel like time is running out.
But my biggest accomplishment of 2008? I QUIT SMOKING ON APRIL 14TH and have not relapsed!! My husband too!! Our biggest miracle? WE DIDN’T KILL ONE ANOTHER! ☺
I tried hot yoga and to my utter shock, loved it. Illness and hectic schedules have made it hard for me to do it regularly, but I want to.
So for 2009 what do I want to do? I don’t believe in making resolutions (or keeping them!) but I do like to think about what things would be good to work on or work towards.
To say generically “I want to be a better person” is trite as hell, isn’t it? Despite the fact that it might be true, I’ll try to be more specific by saying that I’d like to try and be kinder and more loving to people. I can do that with my friends and most of my family, but I take things out on my husband and daughter far too often, and even worse on random strangers who cross my path. I’d love to be able to stop apologizing for “freaking out” on a person. Honestly. I am at my worst while driving, as I feel the world closing in on me and the stupidity of others makes me homicidal. My stream of profanity is amusing as a story to tell, but it is upsetting and frightening for those in the car with me. It also feels horrible. I told my daughter I was going to try and view other drivers as people with mental illness and therefore should be treated with patience, love, and kindness. It didn’t really take, but I’m going to try harder this year.
Theoretically, yes, I’d love to treat others as I’d love to be treated, but as I’ve said…I’m an emotional person. I need to practice and as I learned in recovery, “act as if.” I have experienced first-hand in my life how “killing someone with kindness” really does work. I want to prove it again and again.
I want to continue to improve my photography and get my work out there more and more. I have my work hanging in a local art shop and thanks to Christy Marie, I will get to start 2009 with a two woman show opening February 6th at Made by Hand Gallery on South Street (SAVE THE DATE)!
I hope this gives me enough momentum to work on getting a solo show somewhere before 2009 draws to a close.
I will turn 40 years old in 2009 and I’d like to get in shape and be physically stronger in order to face that reality head-on.
This afternoon we are driving down to Bethesda, MD to spend the evening with my college friends, children and all. That we are all still such close friends is one of the many blessings in my life. I should spend more time counting my blessings and less time being emotional. Heh.
I hope that you and your families have a safe and happy New Year’s Eve tonight and a wonderful 2009, filled with loving kindness and peace. If we all try harder to be nicer to others out there in the world, how nice would that be?
